Ennor, my style
by cysne
Summary: What happens when you add a bored cysne and coke at 1h am? THIS, evidently! Brace yourselves for massive Middle Earth destruction!
1. Part I

**Disclaimer: Eheh... don't tell me you really think *I* created Middle-Earth??? *falls off chair laughing hysterically* Well, I own nothing here... except for that cool Tengwar font on my pc! =)**

**Author's Note: Strange things happen when you add cysne on a weird mood, and coke on the same room at 1h am... it could have been a sucky chapter for a serious story, it could have been a stupid review for some story, it could have been blah-blah... the list goes ever on and on, just like the Road! Well, this is what came out. If you have any ideas of your own, tell me and I'll gladly put them here (full credit to you, of course)!**

**Warning: do *NOT* read if you're one of those incredibly boring people who can't stand to see LotR/ Middle-Earth being mocked!! Though, I'm mostly making fun of the movie and... the other stuff. Also, it would help if you weren't a Hobbit or Arwen lover (like me!), but those can read it anyway, I guess... just don't say I didn't warn you, afterwards!**

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**Lord of the Rings – Teletubbies (or however it is you spell it...) Style**

I am very fortunate to be able to claim that not once in my lifetime have I ever watched a single episode of this... thing. I do have a neat little computer game in German where you get to shoot and kill all of those blasted-things-from-hell, though... Eheh! Anyway, have you ever wondered what would "Lord of the Rings" be like, if the characters were to be teletubbies?... (Of course you haven't! That's what I'm here for!)

*God-like author wickedly looks down on Middle-Earth and rubs hands. Every single character turns wide, pleading eyes to the author. Some are slowly and almost imperceptibly shaking their heads in utter horror.*

Everyone: "Eww..."

*To their side, though...*

Tom Bombadil: "Tinky Winky! Dipsy! Lala! POH!" (A/N: Did I get the lyrics right? ;p)

*author stares and shoots Bombadil with a Tomahawk. Everyone cheers.*

*shrugs* I never liked the guy... ^_^

**~*~**

**Lord of the Rings – Hannibal Lecter Style**

~In Emyn Muil~

"Sam, I'm getting rather hungry, you know?"

"Here, Mister Frodo. Have a piece of Lembas!"

Before Sam could say another word, Frodo jumps on him. Shilling cries and shrieks are heard in the distance...

**~*~**

**Lord of the Rings – Frankenstein Style**

~FotR movie, when the first Uruk-hai is... er... 'born'~

Saruman: My fighting Uruk-hai!... *Saruman's grave voice suddenly changes into his famous seductive one* Come here, my sweetie!...

They embrace and kiss and... start making NC-17 stuff that I shall not further detail...

**~*~**

**Lord of the Rings – Exorcist Style**

~When the fellowship is at the talan, speaking to Haldir, at the entry of Lórien~

Haldir suddenly becomes possessed by an evil spirit (*cough!* the author *cough!*) and he starts glaring at everyone present.

"You, Legolas! DON'T MOVE YOUR MOUTH SO MUCH!!!! LEARN TO SPEAK ELVISH PROPERLY!!!!!! And for the sake of the Valar, WEAR YOU CONTACT LENSES!!!!!" Legolas is thrown off the talan. He turns to Aragorn next.

"ELF KILLER!!! But since it's Arwen I forgive you!... what I don't forgive is that bald spot on your chin! AAHHH!!!!!" Aragorn too is thrown out. Haldir turns to his brothers Orophin and Rúmil, standing behind him with an arrogant (yet rather gay) look.

"TRAVESTIES!!!!" They suffer the same fate than the other two. The Hobbits are next.

*kittie-like calling* "Here little hobbits... here, little hobbits-hobbits!... come on, I'm not going to hurt you..." They all look at each other and decide it's safe. As soon as they're in reach, Haldir kicks them off the high platform and then turns to Boromir and Gimli. He approaches slowly and menacingly. When he gets there...

"Ah! You're ok! You're both nice, cool guys!" *author leaves Haldir's body* "A DWARF?!?!?!?!" Gimli falls off the ledge shortly afterwards.

"A MORTAL?!?!?!?! Look, I'll let you go, but please don't tell anything of this to Galadriel, ok?" Looking terrified, Boromir just nods and flees faster than the eye can see back to Gondor.

A/N: And that last one was for Tolkien! I mean, the man was a genius, but why did he have to kill Boromir?? – er... don't answer that, I do know why... *snif!*) I have many more planned, but I want to see what you think of these first! Please review!!! Suggestions are welcome!


	2. Part II

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A/N: Erenriel, LOL to that! I'll be waiting! Oh, and I liked 'Ducky' because all my friends call me 'duck' when they want to annoy me! You see, I like swans (as you can tell by my name) and I'm constantly teasing them. It doesn't really affect me, but I play along... LOL! ;) *Star Girl*, hmm... HTP? RIGHT! =) Ohh, Sound of Music... I hadn't thought about that! *rubs hands and starts plotting* Thanx! Duelingbagpipes (funny name), oops! Sorry! *glues Bombadil back together and hands him over* =D I love popcorn!! *chomp* How did you know? *chomp* Gooood popcorn... *chomp* Well the madness must go on! =)

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Lord of the Rings – Age of Mythology Style

Pink hippo flies around and attacks Barad-dûr with a terrible shower of red fluffy hearts. Suddenly, a thunder comes out of nowhere and the rainbow-trailed hippo is reduced to ashes. After that, the Eye of Sauron starts weeping. Why? What was he thinking of?

1) What kind of Evil-Dark-Lord-trying-to-conquer-and-rule-the-world am I without an evil cackle?? Mummy, I want a mouth!!!

2) He was my one true love!... *sob* *sniff*

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Morse Code Style

The Ring's chain in the movies. Is it me, or is it just constantly alternating between existing and non-existing?? Is it an optical illusion?? Hmm... perhaps it's an SOS signal from Sauron... poor guy, to be robbed by a Hobbit!

~*~

Lord of the Rings – Contact (you know, that movie with Jodie Foster, I think) Style

*At Caradhras*

Boromir: 'Tis a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt...

Eheh... I'm pretty sure you didn't get it, so I'll explain. Last Summer was HELL to me (I was never so bored in my life!) so I decided to make a few experiments with the FotR movie... I recorded a few speeches and lines, and then altered their speeds, reversed them, etc. It was VERY funny!! Anyway, I came to the conclusion that if you slow down this line, it pretty much sounds as some radio communication from outer space! Eheh! Actually, a few lines have become very famous between me and my friend Helluin, over these things! This particular line became know as "Boromir from outer space". LOL! If you'd like to hear the recordings, let me know and I'll be glad to send them to you by e-mail! ;)

~*~

Lord of the Rings – Indiana Jones crossed with AntZ Style

*At the bridge of Khazad Dum*

Everyone crosses it hurriedly, but instead of a Balrog on their tail, what comes is a huge ball made from roach-like-orcs holding to each other! Eheh... not very funny though.

~*~

Lord of the Rings – Matrix Style

Agent Elrond: Hobbits are a virus...

Eheh... this isn't actually my idea... I visited this cool site once and found two great pics (ROTFLH!!!) I really don't remember where it was... Anyway, one of them was Elrond with his Matrix's dark glasses, and the background was made of those columns of numbers that are always showing in Matrix, but with Tengwar instead! BEAUTIFUL!!! LOL! I have it on my pc as desktop!! IT'S BRILLIANT!!! And the other one too!... ROTFL!!

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Classical Mythology Style

~Medusa~

Galadriel looks into the Mirror and turns into stone. ^_^

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Xena Style

Éowyn dyes her hair black and turns on a very poor and unsuspecting evil Witch-king:

"YYYEEEEEEEEHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

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Lord of the Rings – Hercules (the TV show also) Style

Pippin goes to her aid. ^_^

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Captain Planet Style

Anyone remembers these cartoons? Gosh, they're just soooo oldie!! But I used to love watching them! Right now, though, that goes completely beyond my comprehension... Let me know if you didn't get it, and, again, I'll explain...

Galadriel: VIND!!!!!

Elrond: WATER!!!!!

Mithrandir: FIRE!!!!!

Some disembodied voice: When all the powers combine, HERE'S CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!!

*A blue/green (don't remember right now) Sauron suddenly appears wearing the One Ring*

Sauron: Thanks, you guys! You just returned me my Ring!! MWAHAHAHAH!!!!! I shall now have full dominion of Middle-Earth and enslave all the free people that walk on its lands!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! But please remember this... care for the enviroment! Don't polute! Nature's your FRIEND!!!

Author: *snickers*

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Dragonball Style

Ahh... here's another of those series, which I am proud to claim that I never liked! PHEW!! I did watch a few episodes though...

Featuring... GIMLI!! as Songoku (or whatever it is...)

Bearing a stupid grin on his face, Gimli goes to the edge of some high cliff. He jumps down calling "MAGIC CLOUD!!!!!" What will happen?

1) Nothing comes and Gimli has just leapt to his untimely death.

2) The stupid yellow cloud *does* (somehow) come, but Gimli is just too heavy, and still he squashes himself on the bottom of the ravine.

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Knight Rider Style

I used to worship these series when I was about 9 years old... Anyway, do you know those episodes when Michael Knight discovered he had an evil twin? Picture this cast:

Kit – Shadowfax with a stupid red lamp attached to his head

Michael – Gandalf, the White

Evil Twin – Saruman, the Rainbow dude

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~*~

Lord of the Rings – Baywatch Style

Legolas drowns because he is too fascinated with the Sea to actually notice he was walking in and, well, drowning. Arwen goes to his rescue, but she too drowns due to her overly heavy dress that she did not take off so that no one would drool on her. Fortunately, they are both saved at the nick of time by Aragorn. When the noble man gets them back on the sand, though, a multitude of slash/Mary Sue/sucky romances'/etc. fans surrounds the three. Aragorn gets confused and doesn't know whether he really should do mouth to mouth breathing to the poor victims, because of the rabid people shouting at him.

"Legolas!! Legolas first!! Dump Arwen!! Just look at that sexy elf!!"

"Arwen!! She's your one true love, remember?! Save Arwen!!"

Before he actually does make the critical choice, Gimli (who, in body, has suddenly become very much like Pamela Anderson...) goes to his rescue, and keeps him from having to do anything to anyone.

~*~

Lord of the Rings – Sailor Moon Style

Eheh, I was always very nasty to this particular cartoon... But picture this:

The Three Hunters:

Legolas as Sailor Moon

Aragorn as Sailor Mars

Gimli as Sailor Mercury

And the random/ completely idiotic/ pathetic monster:

Lurtz with his pink pompom

Well, you wouldn't know about Lurtz and the pompom unless you've watched the FotR's extended DVD!...


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